Shifting the Conversation You Have with Yourself

In leadership—and in life—it’s easy to get stuck in the loop of what’s wrong. A process is broken. A colleague is unresponsive. A project is delayed. Without realizing it, we start investing more energy into the complaint than into creating a solution.

I’ve been there. We think we’re venting, but what we’re actually doing is reinforcing a mindset that keeps us circling the problem. Over time, that focus drains our creativity, weakens our presence, and limits the trust others place in us as leaders.

The Body plays a key role here. When we’re committed to the complaint, our posture often reflects it—shoulders tense, chest caved, jaw tight. We feel heavy, small, and reactive. Our nervous system stays in a low-grade defensive state, which narrows our perspective and limits our ability to lead effectively.

When we commit to the result instead, something changes. We stand taller. We breathe more deeply. We widen our stance and open our chest. This physical shift signals our nervous system that we’re moving toward possibility rather than staying trapped in frustration. From that state, we can think more creatively, collaborate more effectively, and take decisive action.

Earlier in my career, I didn’t realize that every complaint was quietly eating away at my power. I thought that pointing out what wasn’t working was enough—that naming the problem meant my job was done. But over time, I began to notice something deeper: my posture would collapse, my head would drop, my throat would tighten. I felt smaller, almost like a victim in my own workplace.

It wasn’t just emotional—it was physical. After a round of complaining, I often felt constricted, even choked. My energy was low, my outlook narrow. I had handed my power to the problem.

The shift began when I learned to listen to those physical cues. My Body was telling me I was stuck in a cycle of reactivity. Once I caught that pattern, I began to experiment: What if, instead of ending with a complaint, I turned it into a request or a commitment?

That small but powerful change reframed my role. Instead of focusing on what I couldn’t control, I started identifying what I could influence. I took responsibility for my part in moving things forward. The impact was profound. My posture lifted, my breath deepened, and my sense of agency returned. With it came something even more valuable—freedom.

Next time you catch yourself replaying a complaint—whether aloud or in your mind—pause and check in with your Body:

1. Notice your Body. Where are you tight, constricted, or collapsed?

2. Ground yourself. Feel your feet on the floor, lengthen your spine, open your chest.

3. Ask: What can I request? What can I commit to?

4. Act from that place.

By embodying your purpose physically and mentally, you create the conditions for a better outcome.

What would shift if you aligned your Body, mind, and actions toward what you actually want to create?

Where in your leadership are you more committed to the complaint than to the result?